Cliff Weber's Retirement Dinner
On Saturday, March 29, 2003 the Classics department hosted a dinner held at Weaver Cottage in honor of Professor of Latin, Cliff Weber. Several alumni, students, colleagues and friends attended the dinner in Cliff's honor.
There was much reflection on years past and what the future will hold for Cliff as he leaves Kenyon College and Gambier to make his new home in Boston. William McCulloh, the first to speak at the dinner, introduced us to some interesting, but little known facts about Cliff. The Latin students then began their performance with the help of Professor Carolin Hahnemann who wrote a poem about Cliff based on Virgil's First Eclogue. The students took turns reading both in Latin and English. The poem was both humorous and appropriate. For the final performance of the evening Professor Robert Bennett sang verses that had been written by Religious Studies Professor, Royal Rhodes especially for Cliff's retirement. Robert sang the poem to "Tit Willow" from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado. Everyone who presented a performance for Cliff's dinner did a wonderful job! Many thanks to the writers and performers. The evening was a huge success.
Professor of Latin
March 29, 2003
"Tit Willow"
This was handed out along with the wonderful picture of Cliff in his earlier years at Kenyon
A ROAMING ELEGY
(with sincere apologies to G&S and to all)
The Owls of Kokosing keep haunting the Frats:
"Cliff Weber, O Bubo, Cliff Weber."
Catullus' sparrow's been eaten by cats!
"Miserabilis passer!" sings Weber, Cliff Weber.
Like pious Aeneas who moved far away,
Cliff left for Harvard from old P.E.A.,
and then went bi-coastal to Berkeley to play,
Cliff Weber, O Clifford, Cliff Weber.
"Forget Latin epic, an elegy's brief,"
sing Daphnis and Chloe to Weber, sweet Weber.
The study of Classics is "laughing and grief,"
sing Ovid and Martial to Weber, wise Weber.
Cliff came to Ohio while singing "The Thrill,
so hard it was found to race up this Hill,
but his bicycle sped past with nary a spill:
"Move over Lance Armstrong for Weber, bold Weber!"
Bennett and Barich and Serfass now seek
for Weber. Where's Weber? Find Weber!
McCulloh and Hahnemann think it's all Greek.
Ave et Vale, O Weber, O Weber.
Collegiate-style Gothic and Gund's "less is Moore,"
he contrasted to architects one must deplore,
whose "aedifice complex" he thought such a bore
like theories of Weber, Max Weber!
He sobbed and he sighed as he brushed away tears,
O Weber, O Clifford, O Weber,
when he learned that he could not retire for years!
CREF is now bankrupt, O Weber, poor Weber!
So in Boston, that Athens, on brick Beacon Hill,
where nearby are Swan Boats that Leda could fill,
he'll join thread-bare Brahmins who've lost every frill:
O Clifford, call Weber, Paine-Weber!
But think of the colleagues that you leave behind:
Ascension eccentrics -- they're one of a kind --
who would call out your name, if they'd not lost their mind:
Now what was he called? Was it Weber, O Weber?
a.d. IV. Kalend. Aprilis
MMIII
(in tempore belli)
Prepared by Royal Rhodes for Cliff Weber's retirement
THE WEBECLOGUE
(Please note that this document stems from a very late, very dark
period in which every Latin syllable was regarded as anceps)
Romule, tu aesculi recubans sub tegmine glabrae
Latin-Student, reclining under a canopy of Ohio Buckeyes,
silvestram tenui Musam mediteris avena
may you study the Muse of the Boondocks with your thin pencil
provinciae finis et umida linquimus arva
I am leaving the confines of the province with its soggy fields
provinciam fugimus; Romule, relictus in umbra
yes, I am fleeing the province, while you, Latin-Student, left behind
in the dark
formosum resonare Rotae doce Clausuram silvas.
must teach the woods to echo with the many forms from 'Wheellock.'
O magister, deus vobis haec otia fecit.
Oh teacher, surely a god has granted you this respite
Non equidem invideo, miror magis: quo vadis, quaeso?
I don't begrudge it to you, but I wonder: where will you go, if I may
ask?
Urbem quam dicunt Boston. Sunt qui opinentur
To the city they call 'Boston.' There are those who, in their ignorance,
stulti illam huic nostrae similem, quo saepe solemus
imagine that city to be like ours here, whither from time to time
ire ad typographicam reparandam aut capillum tondendum.
we go to have the typewriter fixed or our hair cut.
Sic canibus catulos similes, sic sermones libris,
Thus I used to regard doggies* as similar to dogs, conference talks to
publications,
sic false discipulos componere adultis solebam.
thus I persisted in the fantasy that College students were adults.
Verum haec tantum alias inter caput extulit urbes
But in truth this city has lifted her head as high above other cities
quantum ululatores inter Italicos Schubert.
as Schubert has lifted his above those Italian screech-owls.
Et quae tanta, eheu, Boston tibi causa quaerendi?
And for what strong reason, alas, will you move to Boston?
Libertas, quae sera tamen respexit infaustum,
Liberty, who at last has looked upon the wretched state of yours truly,
candidior postquam collegae iam barba crescebat,
when Robert Bennett's beard was already growing white,
respexit tamen et longo post tempore venit.
has looked at last and after much time has come to my rescue.
Postea nos campus Harvardi habet, relinquitur Kenyon.
Henceforth I am a resident of Harvard Square, the Kenyon years are over.
Namque, fatebor enim, dum me dura Kenyon tenebat,
For, I would submit, as long as cruel Kenyon held me in her clutches,
nec cura citharae neque erat spes divitiarum.
there was neither time to practice the violin nor hope for a decent salary.
Quamquam relicto lecto ad primam semper Auroram,
Although I would always leave my bed at the crack of dawn,
gravis redibam curis et caesiis solum libellis.
all I ever brought home was the worry about blue books.
Mirabar quem maesta Kenyon aestate vocaret,
I was wondering for whom Kenyon was calling so sadly each summer,
cui minimus caput eutamias pateretur pendere
and for whom the tiny chipmunk was hanging its little head:
Noster magister hinc aberat! Ipsae te arbores,
Cliff Weber was away! The very trees,
patronum te ipsis cum gemellis cerva vocabat!
even the doe with her twin fawns was calling for her protector!
Quid facerem? Neque servitio me exire licebat
What was I to do? Was it not my right to leave the place where I had to
work like a slave,
nec tam praesentis alibi cognoscere amicos?
was I not right to acknowledge friends, so present to me, though they
live elsewhere?
hic et visitabam illam quotannis bibliothecam
It was there too that year after year I would frequent that library
bis senas qua dextra conscripsit disputationes.
wherein my right hand has penned a dozen articles.
Refugium felix! Sed ego et nunc ruri manebo,
What a blissful place to retire! Yet, I will even now remain in Knox County,
non insueta insana temptabunt pabula pingue
I will continue to put on weight thanks to the unhealthy fare that is
standard at Peirce,
et mala vicini pueri contagia laedent.
and I will also in future catch the crud from my roommate.
Numquam cessabo omnibus annis dies noctesque
Yet never shall I cease year after year, day and night,
tempus praesens colere et perfectum et divinum supinum.
from studying the present tense, and the perfect tense, and the godlike
supine.
At nos hinc alias Hesperiam adibimus bellam,
I, on the other hand, going hence shall at one time visit charming Italy,
Galliam tripartitam alias atque Hispanienses,
at another time the three regions of France and then again the Spaniards,
texta orientalia electronice ubique excerpens.
all the while collecting oriental rugs everywhere with the help of e-Bay.
Nunc tamen hanc nobis generosius noctem adorna
But now kindly consent to grace this evening for us
unicis dulciis gustatis: est nobis Bacchus
by taking, for once, a bite of desert: we have prosecco
crustulaque fructibus rubentia mitis arbuti.
and tarts red with the fruits of the gentle strawberry.
heu, iam luminatae procul villarum fenestrae
Look, there are already lights in the windows of the village
et maiores cadunt parvulis de montibus umbrae...
and the shadows of the hills are growing longer...
... and therefore we now want to ask you all to stand and to raise your
glasses
as you repeat our toast to Gambier, Vergil and Cliff Weber:
Forsan et huc olim revenire iuvabit.
(Maybe some day it shall please you to return even to this place.)
Script written and prepared by Carolin Hahnemann in honor of Cliff Weber's
retirement.
List of voices:
Magister: Allie Boex, Chris Elsner, Ellen Fulco, Jacob Otting, Annie Stricklin
Romulus: Tom Cirillo, Emily Desmond, Jessica Dvorak, Jessamyn Leonard,
Brian Long